Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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