sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
