im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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