If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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