HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
