Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
