If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
