I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
