i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Send help, water and tortillas.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
