Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
