If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
