Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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