I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
