I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
