I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
