Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
