You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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