that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Randomize
