I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
