just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
