Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
