Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
