You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
