3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
