Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
