I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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