why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
