Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
