It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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