Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
