69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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