End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
