I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
