this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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