dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
