It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
