peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
