he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
