I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
