doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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