Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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