And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
