u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
