Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
