If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
