Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
