Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
