my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
