Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
