I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
even my farts smell like vagina
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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