I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
