I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
